Buried somewhere in Hollywood is an ancient parchment listing signs of a movie apocalypse. Among them: Van Damme (who shares a writing credit) ripping off Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade in a torpid Mideast ''adventure''; Van Damme disguised as a Hasid, smacking around hapless Israeli cops while zany klezmer music blares; Van Damme answering ''Was that a gunshot?'' with ''No, I farted.'' Oy.
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