TV

EW Presents...

Stupid Questions

Johnny, Come Berate Me

EW serves up Stupid Questions for testy 'Chair' man John McEnroe

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By Dan Snierson

He's got seven Grand Slam singles titles, several Davis Cup records, and a hilarious hotheadedness that's made him famous around the globe. Forget the International Tennis Hall of Fame -- these credentials have scored 43-year-old John McEnroe the hosting seat of The Chair, ABC's latest game show in which contestants try to keep their cool in order to win cash. Wanting to experience a Mac attack up close and personal, we lobbed a few stupid questions into his court.

Q What's scarier: the alligators and swinging blades that you dangle in front of the contestants, or the length of your shorts circa 1981?
A I happen to love those shorts, so I refuse to be intimidated by that question.

Q You're defending the shorts?
A Damn right. I think they're great. As a matter of fact, I'm sorry they're not back. I long for the days of wood rackets and tight shorts.

Q Would you do me the honor of lambasting me for a few seconds?
A Umm... ANSWER THE QUESTION!!! YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!!!

Q Did your parents not give you ''time-outs'' when you were a child?
A My parents did give me time-outs and they even spanked me, so maybe this proves that spankings don't work.

Q For those aspiring tennis players out there, what's the proper method for hurling a racket in disgust
A You don't want to throw it at anyone because that would be very risky. You've got to keep it in the area where you only make an ass out of yourself.... There's a way to do it so you can get your point across without breaking it. You've got to throw it face first, not at an angle. I tried to tell Mike Piazza that when we did a commercial last week, but he didn't listen and broke about six rackets.

Q Should Anna Kournikova be granted a lifetime ''You're Hot'' tournament wild card so even if she never wins, she can stay on the tour forever?
A I would say yes, absolutely.

Q Do you think you could have earned even more titles early in your career if you weren't hampered by the wind-drag coefficient of the McEnfro?
A Actually, I felt like that was an intimidating factor to help me win.

Q What's the weirdest artifact you've kept from your pro-circuit days?
A The jockstrap I used to beat Borg at Wimbledon.

Q Really?
A No. I don't use jockstraps.