''Bush administration officials are hoping that their tax rebates will jolt the economy back to life, with many Americans getting the maximum rebate of a cool $300. Great news indeed for families planning to send their kids to college for an hour.'' -- JON STEWART on The Daily Show
''You can't be friends with a squirrel! A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit.'' -- Carrie (SARAH JESSICA PARKER) to Aidan (JOHN CORBETT), on Sex and the City
''It was reported today that a 124-year-old woman recently passed away in Florida. Not surprisingly, in her neighborhood in Florida she was known as 'the kid.' '' -- CONAN O'BRIEN on Late Night
''Coming soon to supermarkets across the country: presliced peanut butter.... Yeah, this is perfect for busy moms who are trying to juggle a family and a drinking problem.'' -- CRAIG KILBORN on The Late Late Show
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