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Alert Dom DeLuise. Track down Jamie Farr. Dig up Dino and Sammy! The cross-country road race celebrated in a pair of classic films (okay, maybe not exactly CLASSIC) is back as the USA Network presents Cannonball Run 2001: Race Across America (premiering Aug. 5). Six who-would've-thunk-it teams of three will take souped-up vehicles across 3,000 miles and through various imposed challenges in the hope of winning $100,000 per team. ''This is the real deal. This isn't for the weak of heart, man,'' says field host Lee Reherman (better known as Hawk from American Gladiators). ''If you need your little beauty rest and your makeup and blow-dryer, well, this show ain't the place for you.'' So, now that we've been properly ruled out as future contestants, here's the spiel on the teams behind the wheel. Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines.
ALPHA GAMMA GRANDMA -- MEMBERS Two frat boys teach a gentle great-grandmother how to party hearty. CAR Yellow 1995 Camaro STRATEGY Embarrass great-grandma, beginning with an ''I Never'' game in which they ask the mild-mannered 70-year-old if she's ever given oral sex in a car or taped down her nipples. You know, classy stuff. ROAD RAGE After making fun of a ''jerk'' tollbooth operator, the Greeks discuss their ideal interaction with the other teams. ''I hope they break down,'' says Alpha Mike. ''I would love to fly by 'em in a Camaro with the windows down, hair blowing while they're on the side of the road. That would be awwwwwwesome.''
FORBIDDEN FRUIT -- MEMBERS Two Playboy Playmates tempt a pious seminary student. CAR Pink 1961 Cadillac STRATEGY Can't seem to figure one out. In fact, they can't even figure out why they were teamed together. When Marc explains that he was likely paired with the Bunnies because he went to seminary school for eight years, a confused Jodi responds, ''[You mean] because we all went to college?'' ROAD RAGE Professional nudies and saboteurs, the gals delay one team's starting time via a centerfold's best friend -- baby oil.
HIP HOP WITH POP -- MEMBERS Two L.A. rappers and a white guy who fights fires/Are sure to take the race down to the wire/They'll put the pedal to the metal and burn rubber on their tires/Only to...um, something else that rhymes with fires. CAR Purple 1968 Chevy Impala low rider STRATEGY Try their darndest not to get pulled over by the cops and have their vehicle searched, which still manages to happen twice in the first two days. Now, why could that be? ROAD RAGE The team goes from blowing chunks to blowing out their engine, all in the span of a few hundred miles.
THE CASTAWAYS -- MEMBERS Hollow-headed hunk Kaya Wittenburg engages in his first post-Temptation Island threesome, joining Survivors Susan Hawk and Jeff Varner in a quest for the checkered flag...not to mention 15 more minutes of fame. CAR Red 1971 hearse STRATEGY Form an alliance (what else?) with other teams, while engaging in some heavy-handed sabotage courtesy of local yokels willing to lock starting gates and block in other drivers. Mark Burnett would be so proud. ROAD RAGE ''You're f---ing with Survivors, baby,'' Jeff informs a rival squad. ''We're connected.'' But his real wrath centers on Forbidden Fruit. ''The chicks with the implants are dangerous,'' says the reality veteran. ''Gotta keep your eyes on the chicks with the implants.'' Hey, thanks for the tip.
