Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet

1 MICHAEL FLATLEY The Lord of the Dance insured his legs for $40 million. He stubbed his toe yesterday and got $400,000.

2 CAR PHONES Only ''hands-free'' phones are now allowed in New York State. So you can turn around and smack the fighting kids in the backseat.

3 D12 Their controversial video will only air on MTV late at night -- when only unsupervised teenagers who have slept all day will be watching.

4 KELSEY GRAMMER The Frasier star will get $1.6 million an episode for the next two seasons. But the benefits suck.

5 FRONTS Getting your teeth capped with diamonds and platinum is hotter than Dick Cheney's defibrillator. I'll do it when Martha Stewart does it.

6 PRINCE CHARLES The future king kissed his girlfriend in public for the first time. Then he let her eat a carrot out of his hand.

7 JULIA AND BEN That two big Hollywood stars would split up after four years is such a shock. If you're 12.

8 XENA, WARRIOR PRINCESS Many fans think her beheading in the finale hurts her chances of ever having new adventures. No, cutting her salary in half would do that.

9 SCARY MOVIE 2 The horror! They take your money and make you sit through Town & Country.

10 CATS & DOGS A scheme by power-hungry cats to take over the world is thwarted by ordinary dogs. In their dreams.

11 KWAME BROWN The high schooler was the No. 1 NBA draft pick. But without college, the only thing he'll have to fall back on is tons of money.

12 MICROSOFT The government won't split it up after all. Now will you please turn the President's computer back on?

13 SURVIVOR: AFRICA It will be filmed on a game preserve in Kenya. Have all the lions heard about immunity?

14 KISS OF THE DRAGON Maybe it's me, but I can't tell the difference between when he's kissing and when he's crouching.

15 SINEAD O'CONNOR When the Pope read about her impending marriage in an Italian tabloid, he ripped it in half.