"I have to make up for the fact that I'm hung like a second grader." Kiss' GENE SIMMONS, discussing his supersized tongue, on The Daily Show
"The roof of the biggest transvestite nightclub in Amsterdam collapsed. No one was killed, but rescue workers did find 80 women trapped in a man's body." CRAIG KILBORN on The Late Late Show
"I got a death threat when I was on Saturday Night Live. It said, 'I don't know how you got so unfunny, but I'm gonna put a bullet in your big fat mick head.' I walked around for the next week asking everyone, 'Do I have a fat head?'" KEVIN NEALON on Politically Incorrect
"Saddam Hussein has written a book that's being turned into a TV series. It's called Zabiba and the King, and the part of Zabiba is going to be played by Saddam's daughter, Tori Hussein." DAVID LETTERMAN on Late Show
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