''First of all, thank you for jumping in after Scott Baio canceled at the last minute.'' MARTIN SHORT, to first guest Billy Crystal, on The Martin Short Show
''I called my mom and said, 'Did you see us win the Emmy?' and she said, 'Uh, no, David, I was watching Sex and the City.''' DAVID LETTERMAN on Late Show
''Brad Pitt complained to a reporter that there is too much focus in America on people's wealth and external beauty. Then Pitt jumped in his Porsche and sped home to have sex with Jennifer Aniston.'' CONAN O'BRIEN on Late Night
''The bloodshed began after East Timor rappers dissed West Timor rappers.'' CRAIG KILBORN, discussing the unrest in Indonesia, on The Late Late Show
''Didn't you see New Kids on the Block? Don't you know how this movie's gonna end?'' CHRIS ROCK, to the Backstreet Boys, on The MTV VIdeo Music Awards
