''A toy manufacturer has announced that they're coming out with a new Britney Spears doll. The doll runs exclusively on double-D batteries.'' CONAN O'BRIEN on Late Night
''They're taking the AstroTurf out of Giants Stadium and replacing it with natural grass because they want to cut down on knee injuries. If it works there, they're going to do the same thing in the Oval Office.'' DAVID LETTERMAN on Late Show
''That brings up an interesting question: Will you marry me?'' NORM MACDONALD, after Lisa Ling said she didn't mind if her boyfriend went to strip clubs, on The View
''We did all the romantic things couples in L.A. do -- like fly to New York for the weekend.'' ROBBIE (STEVEN ECKHOLDT), reminiscing about an ex-girlfriend, on It's like, you know...
''Chris Gaines is a fictional rock star created by Garth Brooks, who's apparently as sick of Garth Brooks as the rest of us are.'' JON STEWART on The Daily Show
