In the ever-changing world of TV, three things are certain: a cranky Andy Rooney. A shirtless thug on Cops. And a lame sitcom every other half hour on NBC's Thursday night.
Wait, we forgot a few others: Yasmine Bleeth movies-of-the-week. Murders being diagnosed. Angels being touched.
Let's just say that if we were running the joint, things would be a lot different. We're talking cool sitcoms from Ben Stiller. A ban on generic series titles. A Star Trek franchise that we can actually live long and prosper with. And most important, we'd have Heather Locklear on every network. No, make that every show. Wanna know what else we'd do? Well, turn the page already.
Step 1: HIRE HEATHER LOCKLEAR!
Heather Locklear is as gorgeous and talented as actresses come -- and we're not just saying that because she's sitting inches away from us and keeps touching our leg.
In the 18 years since she's graced TV screens -- starting as Dynasty's trashy backstabber Sammy Jo Dean, then as T.J. Hooker's rookie sidekick, then as bitch-on-heels Amanda Woodward on Fox's recently shuttered Melrose Place -- Locklear has been making TV a better, more profitable place. Which is why it's completely surreal to hear the following words come out of her mouth: ''I was worried that I was going to be unemployed this year,'' says Locklear, who, sadly, gives her hand a temporary reprieve from our thigh. ''So when my manager called and said that Spin City was interested, all I could think of was, 'Oh my gosh, a really good show is interested in [having] me come in and audition?''
Oh, please -- what really good show wouldn't be interested in landing the likes of Locklear? Just think of all the delicious possibilities: Locklear as a hellcat rival on Ally McBeal? Check. Locklear as a butt-kicking mentor on Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Uh-huh. Locklear as a self-analytical vixen on Sex and the City? Dy-no-mite! And let's not even get into the Emmy potential of Touched by a Heather. (Did we happen to mention how exquisite she is at touching?)
The funny thing is, the people behind Spin City never really expected to lure lifelong California girl Locklear to join their New York City-based sitcom. They knew they wanted to add a strong female sparring partner for Michael J. Fox's feisty deputy mayor Mike Flaherty. They knew they needed a big name to stabilize ratings while forging into their fourth time slot in as many years (not to mention their consistently neck-and-neck battles with NBC competitor Just Shoot Me). But they were so pessimistic about the possibility of actually seducing Locklear that the offer was floated last June almost purely as a professional courtesy. ''In TV, a lot of times you have the person you really want and the person you end up with,'' explains Spin exec producer David Rosenthal. ''You almost never get the real deal.''
So you can imagine the glee when Michael J. Fox and Co. heard that ''the real deal'' actually took them up on their offer and was ready to move east with hubby/rocker Richie Sambora and their 2-year-old daughter, Ava Elizabeth.
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