Bats (1999)

In the kind of rote schlocker that rarely makes it to big screens anymore, a mad scientist who unleashes mutant bats on a small Texas town admits he designed them to be ''perfect killing machines.'' Lou Diamond Phillips waits for word of La Bamba 2 while chomping on stogies and grimacing as the sheriff obliged to quell the siege. And if you've ever wondered what the actor would look like chest-high in a river of guano, well, you're probably already waiting in line. C-