''It was reported today that Mick Jagger has moved back in with Jerry Hall just so he can be near his children. Then someone pointed out that Mick can live anywhere and be near his children.'' Conan O'Brien on Late Night
''I'm 3,000 years old. When are you going to stop treating me like I'm 900?'' Kathy (Dagney Kerr), Buffy's demon roomie, to her evil elder on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
''Monica Lewinsky's father, Bernard Lewinsky, is demanding an apology from NBC after a Law & Order: Special Victims Unitepisode referred to oral sex as 'getting a Lewinsky.' NBC lawyers responded that he can go 'George Michael' himself.'' Colin Quinn on Saturday Night Live
''Egyptian Ahmed Zewail won the Nobel Prize for chemistry.... His next project will be to find out what chemistry could possibly exist between Courteney Cox and David Arquette.'' Craig Kilborn on The Late Late Show
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