''Hillary is really, really sucking up to the Israelis. When she goes around, she keeps saying, 'You know, my husband's last girlfriend was Jewish.''' —DAVID LETTERMAN on Late Show
''On Tuesday, Germany celebrated the 10th anniversary of the Berlin Wall [falling], featuring a reunion of Helmut Kohl, Mikhail Gorbachev, and George Bush. Which prompted a desperate George W. Bush to declare he could identify at least one of these three former world leaders.'' —COLIN QUINN on SNL
''The highly anticipated Pokémon film opens tomorrow and is called Pokémon: The First Movie. The title is, depending on your age, either a promise or a threat.'' —JON STEWART on The Daily Show
''Now might be a good time for your trademark stoicism.'' —BUFFY (SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR), interrupting OZ (SETH GREEN) while he attempts to explain his dalliances with a female werewolf, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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