The Worst/TV

THE WORST

1 FAMILY GUY (Fox) Racist, anti-Semitic, and AIDS jokes; shoddy animation; stolen ideas: the cartoon as vile swill.

2 ODD MAN OUT (ABC) Horny teenager (the hapless Erik von Detten) raised, tortured, and plagued by women: It's a premise designed to instill both stupidity and sexist stereotypes in the minds of ABC's carefully nurtured, now-betrayed young ''TGIF'' audience. An agonized-looking Markie Post plays Mom as if she were performing torture upon innocent victims -- which, given her audience, she is.

3 HAPPY HOUR (USA) Ahmet and Dweezil Zappa hosted the first and worst of '99's trend of ''male oriented'' programming, complete with moronic jokes, booty-shaking female dancers, Dweezil's Eddie Van Halen guitar rip-offs, and Ahmet's dentist-drill ''singing.''

4 PASSIONS (NBC) My opinion is skewed, since it's the only afternoon soap I watched, but could there be anything worse than this supernatural/Princess Di-defiling/slack-jawed-teen-actor-stuffed drama? I mean, aside from the prospect of Susan Lucci countering her well-deserved losing streak by winning a second daytime Emmy?

5 ARLI$$ (HBO) Because, against all verifiable standards of sanity, it's still there. Please have Buffy the Vampire Slayer drive a stake into sports agent Arliss' heart; if my vampire theory proves correct, he'll turn to dust, and HBO executives can emerge from hiding to perform a ritual cancellation.