''In a recent interview, Pamela Anderson said that if she were Hillary, she would leave President Clinton. In response, the President said, 'If Pamela Anderson were Hillary, none of this would have happened in the first place.'''
Conan O'Brien on Late Night
''The FDA approved a Prozac-type drug for dogs who are depressed. Which is good, because it's hard for dogs to get therapy, since they're never allowed on the couch.''
Colin Quinn on Saturday Night Live
''When I came back from Korea, I had no money, no skills. Sure, I was good with a bayonet, but you can't put that on a resume.''
Frank (Peter Boyle), remembering his postwar job prospects, on Everybody Loves Raymond
''I've been on The Daily Show more than you have.''
Michael J. Fox to new host Jon Stewart on The Daily Show
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