''You know what they say when a supermodel gets pregnant: Now she's gonna be eating for one.''
Jay Leno, about news of Cindy Crawford's pregnancy, on The Tonight Show
''Knicks coach Jeff Van Gundy claims he won't change his style [for] the volatile Latrell Sprewell, though he has ordered a set of brass turtlenecks.''
Jon Stewart on The Daily Show
''On Larry King Live, Dan Quayle announced he is running for President — during a commercial.''
Dennis Miller on Dennis Miller Live
''Amtrak is unveiling a European-style rail line that links Eugene, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington. Within a month after opening the high-speed line, the population of Eugene is expected to be zero.''
Colin Quinn on SNL
''Yesterday was 'National Clean Off Your Desk Day.' Or as President Clinton refers to it, 'Hose Off the DNA Day.'''
Conan O'Brien on Late Night
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