''Today in Latin America, President Clinton offered his apologies to Guatemala. I didn't even know Clinton slept with Guatemala.''
Jay Leno on The Tonight Show
''Tom Brokaw, appearing on the Today show this week, upset viewers and homeless advocates when he said that he envied the extra sleep homeless people get. Brokaw later apologized for the insensitive comment, saying he was just bitter because they get all the good shopping carts.''
Colin Quinn on Saturday Night Live
''In the 1980s, Elizabeth Dole served as Ronald Reagan's transportation secretary, which made her responsible for holding his hand when he crossed the street.''
Jon Stewart on The Daily Show
''The only time a guy likes cuddling is if he thinks it's gonna lead to lower cuddling.''
Ray (Ray Romano) on Everybody Loves Raymond
