''Senator John McCain, who spent over five years in a Vietnamese POW camp, responded to suspicions about his health by publicly releasing 1,000 pages of medical records. Now people are left with only one nagging question: What kind of freak has 1,000 pages of medical records?'' JON STEWART on The Daily Show
''Jennifer Lopez has taken out a billion-dollar insurance policy on her body.... In a related story, Missy Elliott has also taken out an insurance policy on her body for $29.95.'' CHRIS ROCK on The Chris Rock Show
''The Washington Post reports that Bill Bradley and ABC's Diane Sawyer dated in college. And while people were coming clean, George W. Bush admitted he once tried to snort Cokie Roberts.'' BILL MAHER on Politically Incorrect
''Whatever, Linus, I'm opening mine.'' RACHEL (JENNIFER ANISTON), to Chandler (Matthew Perry), after he objects to sneaking a peek at their Christmas presents, on Friends
