LAKE PLACID (1999)

Which is more tiresome -- a horror movie with no scares, or a comedy with no laughs? This stridently bizarre killer-crocodile flick, in which director Steve Miner (Halloween: H2O) and screenwriter David E. Kelley (Ally McBeal) seem to be tussling for dominance like two kids in the backseat of a car, allows you to make the comparison without even having to switch cassettes. Only Oliver Platt, hamming it up as a croc-obsessed professor of mythology, succeeds in provoking anything more than an embarrassed cough. REEL GOODIES (0:50) Betty White, of all people, demonstrates the proper care and feeding of a 30-foot lizard, using a full-grown cow as a visual aid. THE LAST DETAIL Before directing folks like Mel Gibson (Forever Young) and Gerard Depardieu (My Father, the Hero), Miner got his start in shock schlock, serving as a production assistant on Wes Craven's Last House on the Left. C-

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