MONDAY January 17
SYNDICATED* TOTAL RECALL 2070 (TV-PG) The ex-Showtime series about postapocalyptic cops swings into syndication. *CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS
8-9PM THE LIFE AND TRIALS OF ALLY MCBEAL (Fox, TV-PG-DL) Past highlights combined with cast member interviews equal one souped-up retrospective. (R)
8-8:30PM THE KING OF QUEENS (CBS, TV-PG-L) Doug waxes a little too nostalgic on his old football-playing days.
8-11PM AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS (ABC) Another exciting opportunity to watch celebrities hand over trophies to other celebrities. Norm Macdonald hosts.
9-9:30PM EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND (CBS, TV-PG-L) Every school bus needs a bully -- but who woulda thunk it would be little Ally?
SEASON PREMIERE 10:30-11PM UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE (Comedy Central, TV-14) The subversive sketch comedy troupe return to their impenetrable Inner Sanctum for a third season of maniacal mayhem.
SYNDICATED* CLEOPATRA 2525 & JACK OF ALL TRADES (TV-PG-V, TV-PG) Welcome to the campy, hilarious Back 2 Back Action hour: ''Cleopatra 2525'' is about a stripper (Jennifer Sky, left) who lapsed into a coma while undergoing breast-enhancement surgery and wakes up in the year 2525 as a busty freedom fighter. ''Jack of All Trades'' stars the great cheeseball actor Bruce Campbell as a Napoleonic Wars-era adventurer. Grand goofy stuff. Both shows: B+ -- Ken Tucker *CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS
TUESDAY January 18
8-9PM I DARE YOU! THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE (UPN, TV-G) Nothing quite spells family entertainment like monster trucks. And who better to provide color commentary for a record-setting monster-truck jump than legendary daredevil Evel Knievel?
9-10PM* LOST ON EVEREST (PBS, TV-G) Everest explorer George Mallory disappeared back in 1924. On this 1999 ''NOVA''-sponsored expedition, his body was found. *CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS
9:30-10PM SPORTS NIGHT (ABC, TV-PG-L) So one of CSC's ringside reporters might be a little tipsy. If you covered boxing -- what with all the ear biting, shady judging, and Don King's hair -- you'd need a bracer too.
8-10PM THE MARY KAY LETOURNEAU STORY: ALL-AMERICAN GIRL (USA, TV-14-DS) You would think the sordid real-life tale of the teacher (Penelope Ann Miller, left) who was impregnated by her 13-year-old student would be ripe for a fun-filled exploitation movie-of-the-week. But no, USA had to go all arty on us with grainy flashbacks, hypercaffeinated camera work, and jump-cut editing. The astonishingly inept cast also includes ''The Fisher King'''s Mercedes Ruehl as a sympathetic shrink. Is it too late to revoke her Oscar? D- -- Bruce Fretts
WEDNESDAY January 19
9-11PM MURDER IN THE MIRROR (CBS, TV-PG-LV) Jane Seymour stars as this week's woman accused of a murder she didn't commit.
8:30-9PM NORM (ABC, TV-PG) Hey, if fellow ''SNL'' alum Rob Schneider can play a goofy male escort, why not Norm, right?
9-10PM THE WEST WING (NBC, TV-14) And you thought all Democrats were wimps when it came to kicking enemy butt: Prez Bartlet gets tough in response to a downed U.S. jet. (R)
9-9:30PM THE DREW CAREY SHOW (ABC, TV-PG-D) No, Oswald, selling beer on the Net is not legal. (R)
8-9PM WORLD SERIES OF POKER (Discovery Channel, TV-G) Some advice to anyone hoping to see the glamorous, intoxicating world of poker: Rent ''Rounders,'' for there's nary a Matt Damon look-alike to be found in this ''On the Inside'' examination of Las Vegas' cutthroat card competition. Instead, we get a full house of eccentrics both charming (one player talks through his lucky-charm frog pendant) and disarming (pros reminisce about one card shark who suffered a mild heart attack mid-game -- only to return to the table hours later). All that and no stinky cigar smell! B -- Brian M. Raftery
THURSDAY January 20
8-8:30PM FRIENDS (NBC, TV-PG) When it comes to having a new roommate, Joey could certainly do worse than Elle Macpherson. (R)
8-10PM MAXIMUM RISK (Fox, TV-14-V) Everyone from Elvis to Jackie Chan has done double duty in one of those twin-role formula flicks. But only Jean-Claude Van Damme had the cojones to do two such films -- 1991's ''Double Impact,'' and this '96 doozy.
8-9PM DIAGNOSIS MURDER (CBS, TV-PG-D) Talk about a killer dish: A celebrity chef croaks while eating his latest creation!
8-9PM ROSWELL: SECRETS UNVEILED (History Channel, TV-PG) ''History's Mysteries'' closes out its Conspiracy Theory week with a special on the purported UFO landing site. (R)
10-11PM ER (NBC, TV-PG) Alan Alda guest-stars as a cocky doctor not named Hawkeye. (R)
8-9PM HAROLD ROBBINS: FACT, FICTION AND FANTASY (A&E, TV-PG) Jackie Collins may be today's queen of tawdry tales of the rich and beautiful, but she's heavily indebted to this ''Biography'' subject and patriarch of the modern paperback melodrama. Harold Robbins' stories of debonair playboys and the women who love them made him a man so rich and famous he came to inhabit a reality as extravagant as his fiction. Of course, the lifestyle soon became more important than the books, but any guy who's still fondly remembered by several of his ex-wives couldn't have been all bad. B+ -- Julia Dahl
FRIDAY January 21
6:05-7:20PM FAERIES (STARZ!, TV-Y7) Kate Winslet and Jeremy Irons lend their vocal talents to this animated children's special about an enchanted forest.
SERIES DEBUT 7-7:30PM HOLLYWOOD & CRIME (Court TV, TV-PG) This new series focusing on the legal problems of celebrities kicks off with a report on Brat Packers supreme Charlie Sheen, Sean Penn, and Rob Lowe.
8-9PM FARSCAPE (Sci Fi Channel, TV-PG-V) Part 3 of the season-ending arc finds Moya's crew pitted against an alien with an appetite.
8-9PM PROVIDENCE (NBC, TV-PG) Robbie's got a thing for Heather. There's just one problem: Heather's boyfriend.
8-9PM BEYOND BELIEF (Fox, TV-PG-V) Host Jonathan Frakes presents five bizarre tales, and you, the viewer, must guess which are actually real. Oh, the intrigue.
8:30-9PM COSBY (CBS, TV-G) With Ruth and Erica competing to make the best casserole, can Hilton really lose?
9-10PM NOW AND AGAIN (CBS, TV-PG) Theo fears that people aren't fearful enough. Someone must be messing with their brain chemistry, and that someone's gonna pay, dammit! (R)
11:30-MIDNIGHT DENNIS MILLER LIVE (HBO, TV-MA) Carl Reiner joins Dennis for late-night laughs mixed with the obligatory curse word or two.
9-9:30PM SABRINA, THE TEENAGE WITCH (ABC, TV-G) Long the jewel in ABC's TGIF lineup, ''Sabrina'' is that rare beast: a kid's sitcom that aspires to genuine, adult-friendly wit instead of facile cheek-pinching giggles. This week, after having recently endured the wrath of the show's producers over a couple of cheesecake magazine spreads, Melissa Joan Hart (left) takes a much less controversial step toward adulthood -- her directorial debut. By way of helping Mr. Kraft (Martin Mull) weather a midlife crisis, Sabrina and Aunt Hilda (Caroline Rhea) cast a dream-come-true spell that leaves him attempting a Lindberghesque crossing of the Atlantic. Unfortunately, said spell also turns Harvey into a superhero. And then there's the real star of the show, Salem the talking cat, who, in a few hilarious scenes, realizes his dream of becoming a fireman. Mister Ed, eat your heart out. A- -- Mike Flaherty
SATURDAY Jan. 22
7:30-9PM UP, UP AND AWAY (Disney Channel, TV-G) Not that Robert Townsend (left) isn't an authoritative presence on the set, but imagine having to take orders from a guy sporting funky wings and a cape. Such was the case when the actor-director once again pulled double duty for this comedy about a family of superheroes. ''Certain days I'd laugh and say, 'Still respect me, though I'm wearing tights,''' says Townsend. Despite his silly costume, the ''Hollywood Shuffle'' star was able to focus on making history. ''This is the first time we've seen a family of African-American superheroes,'' says Townsend, ''and there may never be another.''
8:30-9PM CANDID CAMERA (CBS, TV-PG) How come nobody who falls victim to these insipid pranks ever goes haywire and starts breaking stuff? Now, that we'd watch.
9-10PM MARTIAL LAW (CBS, TV-PG-DV) Sammo may be such a softie that he'll fill in for a sick cabbie friend, but nobody -- and we mean nobody! -- gets away with murdering one of his fares.
SERIES DEBUT 9:30-10PM DOUBLE DARE 2000 (Nickelodeon, TV-Y) Bust out the ooze as Nick revives its classic slime-filled obstacle-course game here before moving it to its 5 p.m. weekday slot.
MIDNIGHT-1AM HARD ROCK LIVE (VH1, TV-PG) End (or begin) your evening with cozy studio performances from Bush and Buckcherry.
SUNDAY January 23
NOON-8PM 2000 GOLDEN GLOBES AWARDS COUNTDOWN & PRE-SHOW (E!, TV-PG) A six-hour Golden Globes countdown followed by two more hours of Joan and Melissa Rivers accosting celebrities about their wardrobe selections could make this the most overblown television event of the year -- until the Oscars.
8-11PM THE 57TH ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS (NBC, TV-PG) Babs Streisand takes home some more hardware; this time it's the Cecil B. DeMille award for lifetime achievement.
8-8:30PM THE SIMPSONS (Fox, TV-PG) Some girls have all the luck. First Britney Spears sells, like, a zillion albums, and now she gets to guest-star on ''The Simpsons.'' Yes, we're just a wee bit jealous.
8-9PM EVERYDAY ELEGANCE WEDDING SPECIAL (Romance Classics, TV-G) Colin Cowie shows viewers how to create the perfect country wedding, from gown and menu options to proper thank-you-note etiquette. Too bad there's still no getting rid of that unruly uncle by the bar.
8:30-9PM MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE (Fox, TV-PG-L) You know some bad stuff is going down when the 'rents leave Malcolm and the boys alone with free rein of the house.
9-10PM JENNIFER O'NEILL: THE E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY (E!, TV-PG) Let's see here. Failed suicide attempt? Yep. Serious horse-riding accident? You bet. Time spent in a psych ward? But of course! Add in a near-fatal gunshot wound, as well as the death of a costar, and you have the makings of a new ''True Hollywood'' cover girl.
8-9PM TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL (CBS) We haven't had a solid kids-divorcing-their-parents production since Drew Barrymore told Ryan O'Neal and Shelley Long to shove it back in 1984's ''Irreconcilable Differences.'' The long dry spell may finally be over.
9-10PM THE SOPRANOS (HBO, TV-MA-LSV) Although pretending to be livin' la vida loca, Livia's still got a few tricks up her sleeve.
9-10PM THE X-FILES (Fox, TV-14-V) Investigating a snake-handling religious group has something for everyone: Scully can ponder her whole God-versus-science thing, while Mulder can mull over, you know, creepy snake-type stuff.
SERIES DEBUT MIDNIGHT-12:30AM ROTTEN TV (VH1, TV-14) Musical malcontent Johnny Rotten describes his new TV show as ''a journey through John's shoes focusing on the fine detail work in the stitching of the heels.'' What else would you expect the former Sex Pistol to say?
8-9PM FELICITY (WB, TV-PG) Here's a stunt that pays off artistically: an edition of ''Felicity'' shot in black and white, with a plot that's an homage to ''The Twilight Zone.'' It's writer-creator J.J. Abrams' witty way of letting fans know what's inside the mysterious box that Felicity's roomie, Meghan (droll Amanda Foreman), guards zealously. But even nonfans will dig the look of the episode, which has been overseen by Lamont Johnson, who directed some original ''Zone''s as well as fine feature films like ''The Last American Hero'' (1973) and ''Cattle Annie and Little Britches'' (1980). Johnson gets a deeply lustrous look to his black-and-white photography -- the show looks like an early-'50s film noir -- as well as getting fine, deadpan performances from the young cast. Keri Russell's (left) elegantly round face has never looked better on screen, and the ending is a twisty corker. A
