Snake (2012)

To say that Snake, the first novel by campy cult-movie star Mary Woronov (Andy Warhol's Chelsea Girls, Paul Bartel's Eating Raoul), is a postmodern film-noir pastiche would be generous. Using ersatz lyrical flashbacks to lend some much-needed soul to a contrived tale about a seemingly delusional wife who is on the lam with a handsome hitman for the possible murder of her husband, Woronov mistakes B-movie cliches for plot. Unfortunately, all the menacing nuns, insane asylums, sadomasochistic sex, and clairvoyant dreams in the world can't make you care about her vacant heroine. B