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1 KATHIE LEE FAREWELL Is she still here? Who's teaching her how to say goodbye -- Naomi Judd?
2 CHRISTINA AGUILERA Reports say she's signing with a teen cosmetics line. Nipple liner, belly-button blush, cleavage highlighter, and hickey enhancer.
3 TOBACCO VERDICT A Florida jury awarded smokers $145 billion in damages. Some want to take it in free cigarettes.
4 BIG BROTHER Each day it seems there's a revelation about some contestant's unsavory past. You'd think they were running for something.
5 DREW BARRYMORE & TOM GREEN They're making wedding plans right now. The big problem is finding a caterer who can prepare roadkill for 300 guests.
6 THE MARRIAGE PENALTY It was months before I figured out they were talking about taxes.
7 CHER The 54-year-old singer's thinking of adopting a baby girl. Or some other ''now'' accessory.
8 JACK WELCH He got $7 million to write a book about how he made GE great. ''First, I didn't pay anyone $7 million...''
9 WHAT LIES BENEATH A dead woman Harrison Ford had an affair with is haunting his wife. At least they have something to talk about at dinner.
10 NORM Ads for the ABC sitcom will appear above men's urinals in New York City. They can't use the subway platforms like everyone else?
11 ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER He was photographed nude at the Kennedy estate. Who hasn't been?
12 CELEB JURY DUTY Dan Rather and Regis Philbin were summoned. Your agent called -- for his 10 percent of the $40.
13 MALE CONTRACEPTIVE PILL Here's a good rumor to start: ''They're worried guys will refuse to take them because they give you such a buzz.''
14 SURVIVOR SPOILER Someone who hacked into the CBS website says he knows who will win. The good news is that he's been voted off the planet.
15 LOSER A geeky doofus meets the girl of his dreams. If this doesn't sound familiar, welcome to your first movie.
