''I'm 54 years old today. I'm finally old enough to watch CBS.'' David Letterman on Late Show
''In Washington last week, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of 200 high school students. There were no survivors.'' Tina Fey on SNL
''So, computers? I hear they basically break down to a bunch of ones and zeros. I don't know how that means I can see naked women on my screen, but God bless you people.'' Doug (Kevin James), meeting a techie, on The King of Queens
''Anything Frank Barone does, my father has done — only without pants.'' Ray Romano, comparing his TV dad to his real father, on MSNBC's Headliners & Legends
''Kevin Costner did what the Russians could never do: snuck a bomb into Cuba.'' Craig Kilborn, discussing the star's Havana screening of Thirteen Days, on The Late Late Show
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