Mere minutes after a seemingly incredulous Tina Wesson -- her face buried firmly in her hands -- was announced as the ultimate Survivor, Bryant Gumbel asked the newly minted millionaire what she had to say for herself. ''Ohhh, I just never believed it,'' she aw-shucked. ''I never believed it. Never once. I've never even thought about the voting process, who might be voting for who.''

Oh, that crazy Tina -- still trying to pull the wool over everyone's eyes even after the game had ended. In fact, EW has been getting a ringside view of this sweet-li'l-mom-from-Tennessee's poker face -- ever since she began leaving a series of playfully menacing phone messages to EW staffer Dan Spaeth. That's right -- the newly crowned Survivor champ had been secretly calling ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY for weeks before her coronation. After getting word (via fellow Survivor/EW temp Mitchell Olson) that Spaeth, a sales representative, had been disappointed after picking Tina's name in a Survivor office pool, Wesson proceeded to bombard him with voice-mails, chastising him for not having more faith in her. ''Every Friday I would look forward to coming in and listening to her message,'' says Spaeth, who ended up with $160 from the pool -- a far cry from the million smackers Wesson took home. ''But I was disappointed that I never had a chance to actually speak with her.'' (It should be noted that at no point did Tina divulge any spoilers or even remotely hint that she was the winner.) Below are the unedited transcripts of the telltale voicemails (in which Tina delivers her spin on the previous night's Survivor episode). With their mix of Southern charm and cutesy treachery, the tapes reveal the same perpetually cryptic Tina Wesson who, after Gumbel asked whether she was ultimately more ''sweet and motherly'' or ''ruthless,'' casually responded: ''In the middle, little of both.'' Read on and see just how right she was.

ON POWER, JERRI, AND MR. T

TINA: [In a surprisingly convincing Mexican accent] Hola, Senor Dan. This is Senorita Teeeeena. [End of accent] So! Whadja think about the show last night? Did you notice how the power was just sucked...sucked out of Jerri? Just sucked out of her. Up and gone. The all-powerful Oz has left the building. Now she's just a sitting duck, sitting there waiting patiently, waiting, waiting for who will go first. [Cackling in background] Will it be the diabolical Jerri or the little housewife from Tennessee, the little harmless fly on the wall? I wonder who got Jerri in your office. I wonder, I wonder. Well, it's just too bad you got me, that's all I can say. I pity you [Launching into her best Mr. T impression], I pity the man, I pity the man who got me. [End of Mr. T] Well, I hope you have a dandy day.

ON THE SWEETNESS OF REVENGE

Hey, Dan. I didn't want you to think that I forgot that you weren't happy with drawing my name and that I'd just forgotten that little incident because no, I have not. [Sing-songy tone]Noooooo-oh! And I haven't completely forgiven you for that. And I'm plotting something dastardly for you. I don't quite know what it is yet, but you'll just have to wait and see. [Mock sinister]Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh. Well, I hope you have a great day and I will talk to you la-a-a-ter! Toodles! Bye!



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