To paraphrase Mr. Roarke, ''Welcome to retro insanity.'' Hoping to mine solid gold from the seemingly never-ending '70s craze, UPN is launching a new Love Boat, NBC might resurrect Wonder Woman, and perhaps most exciting of all, ABC is developing an updated version of its 1978-84 Aaron Spelling campathon, Fantasy Island. But who can fill the white tuxedos of costars Ricardo ''Corinthian leather'' Montalban and diminutive Herve ''da plane!'' Villechaize? Forthwith, EW's casting fantasies. -- A.J. Jacobs
Vote for your choice at www.ew.com
FOR TATTOO
DANNY DEVITO, on-the-small-side movie star/mogul. Pro: Possible guest appearance by fellow Hoffa star Jack Nicholson. Con: Possible guest appearance by fellow Taxi star Judd Hirsch.
TOMMY LEE, Motley Crue drummer, Pamela Lee boy toy, and home-movie auteur. Pro: His tattoos make him a natural for the role. Con: He's not so diminutive, if you video watchers get my meaning.
JONATHAN LIPNICKI, the bespectacled tyke from Jerry Maguire. Pro: Master of the catchphrase (''Do you know the human head weighs eight pounds?''). Con: Impending puberty (if he's lucky, that is).
VERDELL, the weak-bladdered, so-ugly-it's-cute pooch (played by Jill the dog) from As Good as It Gets. Pro: Barks at planes. Con: Too good an actor.
FOR MR. ROARKE
GEORGE HAMILTON, smooth, leisurely man-about-Hollywood. Pro: That white tux would highlight his savage Bain de Soleil tan. Con: A starring role in a series would require him to actually work.
CINDY CRAWFORD, supermodel who is rumored to be under consideration for the part (no joke). Pro: Kate Moss as a guest star -- her fantasy: two whole rice cakes for lunch! Con: Two words: Fair Game.
NORM MACDONALD, recently demoted Saturday Night Live ''Weekend Update'' wise guy. Pro: A veritable feast of B-list stars to mock. Con: No Don Ohlmeyer or O.J. Simpson cameos.
BOB DENVER, endearingly bumbling star of castaway comedy Gilligan's Island. Pro: Don't have to worry about him leaving the island. Con: Don't have to worry about him leaving the island.
