"Church, cult. Cult, church. So we get bored someplace else every Sunday." — Bart, responding to the news that Homer had joined a fanatical religious group, on The Simpsons
"When Monica [Lewinsky] arrived at her father's house, the first thing she did was hug him. Actually, she was just patting him down to see if he was wearing a wire." — David Letterman on Late Show
"[There's] a new talking stuffed animal named Furry that sings, dances, and has a 400-word vocabulary. Apparently, it's fashioned after Tony Danza." — Conan O'Brien on Late Night
"Mary Kay LeTourneau, the teacher who had sex with a 13-year-old boy, was arrested after she was found with him in a car. The teacher will be sent back to prison. The boy is enjoying his highest approval rating ever." — Colin Quinn on SNL
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