''When we were courting, I sent Maris a valentine that said, 'You're the girl my heart adores. Everything I have is yours.' Now they're calling it a prenup.'' -- Niles (David Hyde Pierce), discussing his divorce proceedings, on Frasier
''I just saw Tara [Lipinski]. They were putting her into her car seat.'' -- Ray Romano, appearing after the 15-year-old gold medalist, on Late Show With David Letterman
''On tonight's...Diagnosis Murder, Regis Philbin shoots Kathie Lee Gifford.... For this episode, they're changing the show's title to Diagnosis Justifiable Homicide.'' -- Conan O'Brien on Late Night
''Illness prevented Barbra Streisand from performing a duet with Celine Dion at the Grammy Awards this week. At the last minute, Streisand developed a violent allergic reaction to sharing the spotlight.'' -- Colin Quinn on SNL
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