The Parties

The Sony Pictures Party (Chasen's)
Despite appearances by freshly anointed Oscar winners Helen Hunt and Jack Nicholson, just not As Good as It Gets.
Quickest exit: Nicholson was one of the first to arrive...and first to split (out the back door, no less). Then again, no one really stuck around until the wee hours.
Biggest bitch: As Good as It Gets' pooch, Jill (a.k.a. Verdell). When the Brussels griffon arrived sporting a real silver collar encrusted with fake diamonds, director James L. Brooks cupped her canine head and planted a kiss on her, saying, ''Oh, Jill, we did good, pal! We did good!'' Whoa, Nelly.
Least recognized: Jerry Maguire's Renee Zellweger, as a redhead.
Tasty treat? Beefcake...Starship Troopers' Casper Van Dien and Patrick Muldoon were in the house.

'Titanic' Party (Beverly Hills tent party)
Let's just say, if this thing had gone down, there definitely wouldn't have been enough lifeboats for everyone.
Most resembled: A huge bar mitzvah.
Touch of class: Yes, those were portable toilets. Just the place you want to wrestle with that Valentino gown.
Reason to bust out the sunglasses: The combined glare of 11 light-reflecting Oscars and Billy Zane's head.
Curfew breaker: Tara Lipinski.
Least likely to be turned away by bouncer: No one.
Unsinkable? The party throwers had clearance for 850 guests; 1,300 showed up. The omnipresent fire marshal kicked some folks out at midnight, only to later allow them back in. But even he couldn't prevent the crowd from stampeding out when the bar shut down at 1:45.
Power table: Wherever James Cameron was sitting. After all...he's king of the world—whoooo!

The Governors Ball (Shrine Auditorium)
Usually a staid and brief affair, where stars cool their heels after the ceremony before hopscotching all over town. But this year, folks actually stuck around.
A-list factor: High.
Garish souvenirs: Wolfgang Puck's three-inch-tall gold-glittered chocolate Oscars.
Least likely to be turned away by a bouncer: 20-foot-tall Romanian hoops star and My Giant thespian Gheorghe Muresan.
Puh-leeze: James Cameron talking to Sigourney Weaver about getting past security at the Titanic party: "I probably won't need my pass, so why don't you take it?" Like she'd need it, pal.

-- Chris Nashawaty, with reporting by Anita M. Busch, Dave Karger, Zorianna Kit, Tricia Laine, Jessica Shaw, and Heidi Siegmund Cuda