As television, this Oscar broadcast—which, thanks to Titanic and oodles of old-fashioned movie stars, scored huge ratings—was just about as bad as it gets; I've watched Country Music Association Awards ceremonies honoring Minnie Pearl that had more vigor. Crystal seemed to deflate as the show oozed into its fourth hour; if it had gone into a fifth, it's likely that joke writer Bruce Vilanch would have been slipping Billy a few Soy Bomb punchlines to deliver.

Ultimately, the thing that made being in front of the TV screen on this night worthwhile was E!'s pre-Oscar coverage—specifically when, after Joan Rivers interviewed Marlee Matlin, a bystander murmured to Joan, "Marlee Matlin called you a bitch in sign language."

But mark my words, it can only get worse: This time next year, they'll probably be handing out Oscars to those South Park guys, and Billy Crystal will be asking for a few moments of silence for poor Burt, his career capped by eating some bad shellfish before a Florida matinee performance of Anything Goes.

Originally posted Apr 03, 1998 Published in issue #425 Apr 03, 1998 Order article reprints
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