In 1989, a lanky doofus named Kenny Kramer — a real-life Manhattan neighbor of cocreator Larry David — received $1,000 from Seinfeld for the right to base a character on him. A thousand bucks? Michael Richards makes more lighting a cigar. Now it's payback time. The real Kramer, 53, hosts Kramer's Reality Tour, which includes an NYC bus trip to the Soup Nazi storefront, Tom's Restaurant (a.k.a. Monk's), and other hot spots. Here's a tale of two Kramers.
SCHEMES
KENNY
Hawked flashing-light ''disco'' jewelry in the '80s; pitched a
denim tuxedo to Calvin Klein; sold ''Proud to be on Prozac''
T-shirts
COSMO
Too many to list (though we have, on page 53)
STYLE
KENNY
Australian-outback wear and denim; shoulder-length hair for ''a
branded identity''; briefs (''my boys need a home too'')
COSMO
Vintage bowling shirts; gravity-defying hair; briefs
ATTEMPTS AT A REAL JOB
KENNYStand-up comic; manager of British reggae band; karate coach; promoter of a coloring book on substance abuse
COSMO
H&H bagel boy
STAFF
KENNY
Zack Waldman, a former Howard Stern intern fired for bursting
into the studio naked to promote his brother's nightclub
(recently promoted to Kenny's ''protege'')
COSMO
Darin, the tie-wearing slave to Kramerica
SEX
KENNY
''A raging heterosexual''; a veteran of ''orgies'' in the '70s;
enjoys all positions, not just a ''bottom dweller''
COSMO
Kavorka-empowered chick magnet; likes being on the bottom
BOOK PROJECTS
KENNY
Still shopping his autobiography. Has rejected offers to write a
coffee-table book because it would be ''a knockoff.'' (Hey, even
Kenny's got his standards.)
COSMO
The coffee-table book with folding legs, among others (see page
38)
CLOWNS
KENNY
Loves 'em; advertises a clown friend — the Magical, Musical
Marion — on his website
COSMO
Fears 'em
VICES
KENNY
Can't drink the black stuff; smokes the occasional stogie; has
been known to swing a nine iron; didn't even enter the
contest — ''I knew I wouldn't win''
COSMO
Caffe latte addict; cigar fiend; golf-a-holic; lost the contest
POLITICAL CAREER
KENNY
Failed campaign for mayor of NYC. Said Larry David at the time,
''I'd vote for him because [he put] the name tag issue into his
platform'' (see episode 68).
COSMO
Botched campaign for president of the Seinfeld parents' Florida
condo
APARTMENT
KENNY
No hot tub — it's in his building's health club (''I met my
accountant'' there); claims Larry David foraged in his fridge;
briefly considered building levels
COSMO
Hot tub; no fridge; briefly considered building levels
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