To navigate socially in a culture of confession, Miss Manners recommends ''the survival skill of restraint.'' The Right Thing to Say provides useful retorts to clumsy conversational gambits like ''When are you going to have a baby?'' and ''I've found God.'' But many of Miss Manners' rejoinders are so indirect as to be ineffective (a cool ''thank you'' in response to a thinly veiled insult?) or downright dishonest (declining a marriage proposal by professing unworthiness?). And if you heed all her formulas for restraint, including avoiding social talk about sex, religion, politics, money, and illness, you'll end up a bona fide bore. B
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