"Mike Tyson's going to ask the New York boxing commission if he can fight again. Gotta get back to work. Man's gotta eat." JAY LENO on The Tonight Show
"Today is Monica Lewinsky's birthday. Reportedly, President Clinton showed up at her party disguised as a candle." CONAN O'BRIEN on Late Night
"My penis has definitely become the eighth roommate." REAL WORLDER DAVID, after flashing his manhood to his female housemates Lindsay and Irene
"Yesterday, Mike McCurry announced that he is stepping down as White House press secretary. Then, out of force of habit, he denied it." DENNIS MILLER on Dennis Miller Live
"After the cloning procedure, the fertilized mouse egg hides her condition from her friends and family as long as she can. Then when her secret can no longer be hidden, she moves to another town and misses graduation." CRAIG KILBORN on The Daily Show
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