''This isn't the first time [Paul] Simon has been harassed. For 10 years he was followed by a creepy guy with a high-pitched voice and a fright wig.'' — Craig Kilborn, about the pop star's recent stalking, on The Daily Show
''Maybe you have that on backwards.'' — Jay Leno, when guest Halle Berry kept falling out of her low- cut dress, on The Tonight Show
''Mark McGwire has admitted to taking a supplement that boosts your testosterone. He also bragged that if he keeps taking the supplement, he won't need a bat anymore.'' — Conan O'Brien on Late Night
''[Hurricane Bonnie] probably won't hit Martha's Vineyard. But just in case, Hillary Clinton tied down the President's dinghy.'' — Bill Maher on Politically Incorrect
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