''This isn't the first time [Paul] Simon has been harassed. For 10 years he was followed by a creepy guy with a high-pitched voice and a fright wig.'' CRAIG KILBORN, about the pop star's recent stalking, on The Daily Show
''Maybe you have that on backwards.'' JAY LENO, when guest Halle Berry kept falling out of her low- cut dress, on The Tonight Show
''Mark McGwire has admitted to taking a supplement that boosts your testosterone. He also bragged that if he keeps taking the supplement, he won't need a bat anymore.'' CONAN O'BRIEN on Late Night
''[Hurricane Bonnie] probably won't hit Martha's Vineyard. But just in case, Hillary Clinton tied down the President's dinghy.'' BILL MAHER on Politically Incorrect
