''This isn't the first time [Paul] Simon has been harassed. For 10 years he was followed by a creepy guy with a high-pitched voice and a fright wig.'' CRAIG KILBORN, about the pop star's recent stalking, on The Daily Show

''Maybe you have that on backwards.'' JAY LENO, when guest Halle Berry kept falling out of her low- cut dress, on The Tonight Show

''Mark McGwire has admitted to taking a supplement that boosts your testosterone. He also bragged that if he keeps taking the supplement, he won't need a bat anymore.'' CONAN O'BRIEN on Late Night

''[Hurricane Bonnie] probably won't hit Martha's Vineyard. But just in case, Hillary Clinton tied down the President's dinghy.'' BILL MAHER on Politically Incorrect


Sign up for EW.com's What to Watch Newsletter!

What to watch on TV. Hear what's on tap for the night ahead and get witty, morning after recaps of top shows (sent weekday mornings).
  • Print
  • Del.icio.us
  • Google
  • StumbleUpon
  • Facebook
  • Digg
  • More

Copyright © 2008 Entertainment Weekly and Time Inc. All rights reserved.