''Joey may be pretty — she does have that fresh-faced appeal in a very J. Crew-catalog kind of way — but she's no you.'' ABBY (MONICA KEENA) to Jen (Michelle Williams, who actually did appear in a Dawson's Creek J. Crew catalog layout), on Dawson's Creek
''I just got some bad news. My mom is dating Jerry Seinfeld.'' DAVID LETTERMAN on Late Show
''Dominique Moceanu, American gymnast...has run away from home and is suing her parents for divorce, claiming they've squandered her savings and won't let her do the things all her friends do, like eat and menstruate.'' CRAIG KILBORN on The Daily Show
''Clinton is doing some good things, you have to give it to him: peace in Northern Ireland and the Middle East. I heard next he's going over to Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown's house.'' COLIN QUINN on Saturday Night Live
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