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1 COURTNEY LOVE She plays the drug-addled, sex-crazed wife of sleazeball Larry Flynt. Who says there are no good parts for women anymore?
2 KEN WAHL The Wiseguy was nabbed for pulling a knife on a bartender. Right after screaming ''You call that a pina colada!?''
3 ORLEANS Larry Hagman stars as a powerful Southern judge. It should have been called A Streetcar Named Retire.
4 ''COWS WITH GUNS'' There's some good news about the latest novelty song. You can't dance the Macarena to it.
5 SIR PAUL MCCARTNEY He's become real rock & roll royalty. may change his name to King just to keep up.
6 CLARK GABLE'S OSCAR Steven Spielberg paid more than 600 grand for the statuette and then gave it away. He thought he was bidding on a Tickle Me Elmo.
7 EBONICS The Oakland school board declared black English a separate language. Do you think they'd accept my Igpay Atinlay credits?
8 MARVEL ENTERTAINMENT Spider-Man's publisher declared bankruptcy. Couldn't he just borrow from Richie Rich?
9 MATT LAUER Some say he's too pretty to be smart. As if acne scars and buck teeth would be a sign of intelligence.
10 HAIR-EATING DOLLS Cabbage Patch kids are ripping the hair out of small children's heads. Who designed them? Epilady?
11 PAMELA & TOMMY In today's episode, they renew their vows. How long can it be before Tide sponsors their life?
12 TOM CRUISE Jerry Maguire will likely be his fifth consecutive film to gross more than $100 million. Sure, but you've never heard about his $99 million flops.
13 ANDREA MITCHELL & ALAN GREENSPAN The power couple are getting hitched. They've registered at Smith Barney.
14 POLITICALLY INCORRECT Bill Maher's late-night latte klatch moves to late-night ABC. After Ted Koppel, Old Yeller could get laughs.
15 PACIFIC NORTHWEST It's been called one of the best spots to live in. You get the most freezing and flooding for your money.
