''These are from Virginia,'' the waitress says, handing Matthew Perry a plate with banana fritters and a note on a red napkin, and she isn't talking about the state. It's dark inside Mandalay, a Swingers sort of place off Melrose in Hollywood, so Perry flicks his Bic and reads the mash note -- loud enough for all the goateed hipsters at surrounding tables to hear: ''Because you make me laugh when I really need to...''

Ironically, Perry has just finished talking about how yutzy he can be with women. ''I've never been the swinging-single type,'' he says. ''In high school, my prom date fooled around with another guy -- on prom night.'' Nevertheless, he cocks one brow and does his best approximation of a '70s Lounge Guy leer. ''Maybe I should send a note back,'' he says. ''Like 'Hey, baby, I hope you're gor-guss.''' Instead, he slips the napkin into his jacket pocket, assuming Virginia to be just another starstruck fan reaching out to a Friend.

Well, let him think it, at least for now...

''I desperately -- desperately -- needed the money,'' Perry says of his 1994 opportunity to read for Chandler Bing, his character on Friends. At the time, the actor from Williamstown, Mass., was hanging his hopes on a dog of a sitcom pilot called LAX 2194 -- just the latest in a string of dud comedy series that ultimately got dropped. Perry's not embarrassed to recount those sorry days now that he can afford it all: the two Porsches, the two-bedroom house in the Hollywood Hills with pool and Jacuzzi, the magic fingers massage chair from The Sharper Image. ''I just had my assistant call up and order it,'' he says. ''And I used to hate people with assistants!''

The sacrifices millionaires make. And come the millennium, Perry, 27, will be one many times over. In addition to his recently renegotiated $75,000-per-episode Friends contract, he was paid a reported $1 million to make out with the truly gor-guss Salma Hayek for his first starring role, in Fools Rush In, opening Valentine's Day. He reportedly will earn even more to get stupid with Chris Farley in the upcoming Edwards & Hunt, a Dumb and Dumber-style comedy about two guys trying to beat Lewis and Clark to the Northwest Passage. And Warner Bros. has tapped him to star in a movie he cowrote, Imagining Emily, about a man who falls in love with a grown-up version of his imaginary childhood friend.

Perry has every reason to be a happy, happy man. And he is. ''I'm going to my 10-year high school reunion this year,'' he says, ''with a great big smile on my face.''

How long the smile remains is anyone's guess. For Perry's happiness is matched only by his insecurity. ''Oh, he's definitely neurotic,'' says his best friend and writing partner Andrew Hill Newman. ''He's better looking than he thinks, more successful than he admits, more likable than he gives himself credit for.'' Which, of course, also perfectly describes Chandler.

''The part of Chandler leapt off the page, shook my hand, and said, 'This is you, man!''' Perry says of reading the pilot, originally called Friends Like Us. That's not to say Perry's an insensitive dork. Says Friends costar Jennifer Aniston: ''Matty's one of the most sensitive people I've ever met, more than most girls I know. His feelings get hurt. He cares what people think. He even bruises easily.'' Perry himself admits to crying during movies (Men Don't Leave and The Doctor, for instance). Perhaps most telling of all: ''Matthew owns Barry Manilow's greatest hits CD,'' says Newman, ''and likes it!''


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