''That's great. When it comes out I'll have to get someone to ghost read it.'' -- Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld) to Elaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) who is ghostwriting a book, on Seinfeld

''How do you like this for a title: Leading With My Ass?'' -- Larry (Garry Shandling), discussing his autobiography, on The Larry Sanders Show

''Banana Republic has a new CD of in-store music. I listened to it, and honestly, I felt it was derivative of J. Crew Live at Budokan.'' -- David Spade on SNL

''I'm sitting by the phone waiting for the Maytag call.'' -- Bob Dole, about his new career in TV commercials, on Today


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