The 50 Best Commercials: Hard-sell Hall of Fame

MOST IMAGINATIVE SELLING POINT: "Rich Corinthian leather," Ricardo Montalban's smarmily seductive description of a Chrysler interior—even the car company doesn't know where this stuff comes from! (1975); and "coffee-er coffee," which Savarin's El Exigente—"the demanding one" (played, oddly enough, by Carlos Montalban, Ricardo's brother)—was forever in search of (1960s).

MOST SELF-CONSCIOUS ATTEMPT TO BE POSTMODERN: Dick, Miller Lite's fictional advertising genius (1997).

WORST POP-CULTURE RIP-OFF: Clairol's nod to When Harry Met Sally.... A woman has a very public orgasm while using Herbal Essences shampoo. Yuck (1995).

DIRECTORS WHO SHOULD MAKE ART-HOUSE MOVIES AND SPARE US THEIR MISE-EN-SCENE: The auteurs behind all those overwrought black-and-white Calvin Klein spots (mid-'90s).

LAMEST ATTEMPT TO CAPITALIZE ON A MUSICAL TREND: The rappin' Pillsbury Doughboy (1990).

SLOGAN THAT MUST HAVE TAKEN 10 MINUTES TO THINK UP: Dodge Neon's "Hi" (1994).

MOST BLATANT ILLITERACY: Artic [sic] Ice beer (1994).

AND WE'D LIKE TO MEET: That one out of five dentists who didn't recommend sugarless gum (1966). We'd also like to know what that 56/100 percent of Ivory soap that isn't pure is made of...