The Seinfeld Chronicles

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DEATH BE NOT BAD. The only thing stranger than death's prominence is the utter lack of compassion it elicits.

NO REASON IS TOO TRIVIAL FOR BREAKING UP, whether it's stinginess with punctuation or being beaten in chess. The list goes on and on.

A SHORT, STOCKY, SLOW-WITTED BALD MAN CAN BE A CHICK MAGNET. Fact: George Costanza — self-proclaimed loser among losers — has dated a wide array of fetching women. A contradiction that Seinfeld refuses to explain: "You don't take apart the frog to see how he jumps."

THE CRAZIEST PERSON IS THE SANEST OF ALL. Ostensibly the resident weirdo (a.k.a. "hipster doofus"), Kramer may actually be the most together. Seinfeld concurs: "He knows what he wants and goes after it. He's not reflective...he's got peace of mind. We secretly envy him."

Kramer's the least of Seinfeld's ironies. We are, after all, celebrating a hit show revolving around four venal, dishonest, selfish, even hateful people. "That's become very vogue to say, but that's only on one level," notes Seinfeld. "There's a great warmth beneath the surface of these characters. Just the fact of what we forgive each other shows you that."

And the fact that we keep coming back for more. Bear in mind that the following synopses are mere sketches, mental benchmarks for your viewing pleasure. If we had fully detailed each labyrinthine episode, you'd be holding a book, not a magazine. And, no doubt, you will quibble with our harsher critiques. But why should we be any less judgmental than the show's four minutiae-minded harpies? We have, after all, been remade in their image.

Originally posted May 30, 1997 Published in issue #381 May 30, 1997 Order article reprints

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