''Chelsea's going to college. It's surprising, because most of us thought the member of the Clinton family going away for four years would be Hillary.''
DAVID LETTERMAN on Late Show

''The Beatles were No. 5 on Forbes' richest-entertainers list, and they haven't worked together for 30 years. Meanwhile, Hammer put out an album last year, and the brother called me collect.''
CHRIS ROCK on The Chris Rock Show

''Elton John said he thought of singing a version of 'Candle in the Wind' [for Mother Teresa], but he can't think of a rhyme for 'leprosy.'''
BILL MAHER on Politically Incorrect

''My doctor gave me the news.... I started to cry.... I said, 'There's another one. Real soon, I feel it coming.... And I pray it's not me.' Then Mother Teresa came.''
MICHAEL JACKSON discussing Princess Diana's death with Barbara Walters on 20/20


Sign up for EW.com's What to Watch Newsletter!

What to watch on TV. Hear what's on tap for the night ahead and get witty, morning after recaps of top shows (sent weekday mornings).