Stupid is as stupid does'' was the mantra on everyone's lips just a few years ago. It surely applies to this collection of 1997's most boneheaded showbiz moments.
JAN-MICHAEL VINCENT GETS VOCAL: After allegedly crashing his car while driving drunk, the ex-Airwolf star sued two Orange County, Calif., paramedics for damaging his vocal cords with a breathing tube, claiming the injury keeps him from getting roles. (He dropped the suit in September and denies being drunk or even driving.)
HOW WILL I KNOW? Whitney Houston agreed to sing at the World Culture and Sports Festival for a reported $1 million, then said she didn't know it was a mass ''Moonie'' blessing. She canceled at the 11th hour, citing ''illness.''
ON THE LAM AND ON LETTERMAN: Renee Nelson and her son Gaston chatted with the Late Show host during a roving camera segment. What's so dumb about that? They were spotted by her ex-partner, the boy's father, Niel Peterson — who claims Nelson moved away with the boy 4 1/2 years ago and is currently on the run.
GEORGE CLOONEY'S PLEA: To berate the paparazzi after Princess Diana's death, the actor staged a press conference: ''Do your job. Inform responsibly.'' Wow, so he's a doctor and a journalism professor.
PURPLE DINOSAUR SEES RED: Lyons Partnership, the producers of Barney, filed suit against The Famous San Diego Chicken (a.k.a. Ted Giannoulas) for beating up a Barney look-alike in his sports-arena performances. (The case is pending.)
FIONA X: Accepting the MTV Video Music award for Best New Artist, 19-year-old Fiona Apple gave the year's most memorable — and unintentionally entertaining — speech. ''I'm not going to do this like everybody else does it,'' declared the singer, who then launched into a hypocritical anti-fame tirade, from ''This world is bulls---'' to ''It's just stupid that I'm in this world, but you're all very cool to me.'' Embarrassed presenter Elton John even slunk off stage during Apple's harangue, while the audience snickered.
