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1 MR. WRONG Ellen DeGeneres can't ditch a boyfriend. Marrying them and having their kids usually gets rid of them.
2 THE LATE SHIFT Leno and Letterman battle for Johnny Carson's job. Don't tell me the ending, I want to be surprised.
3 MARY REILLY Julia Roberts plays Dr. Jekyll's maid. She won't do windows or severed body parts.
4 MADONNA Most Argentineans don't want her to play Evita. Hey, give her a chance to sleep with you all before you decide.
5 SUPERMAN In the comics, he gets dumped by Lois Lane. She wants a man with a bigger wardrobe.
6 HAPPY GILMORE Adam Sandler. Golf. Name two things that aren't fun to watch.
7 AMERICAN AIRLINES Now you can buy the recipes for its in-flight meals. How 'bout the plans for the spacious restrooms?
8 NEW HAMPSHIRE There must be a better way to elect a President. Let's make them play Final Jeopardy.
9 ROGAINE The hairing aid has been approved for sale without a prescription. You do need bifocals to read the label, though.
10 LIZ TAYLOR She's in four CBS comedies on one night: I Married a Bum, Irreconcilable Differences, Eight Is Enough, and I Smell Pearls.
11 PAMMY COLA In Britain, there's a soda named for the Baywatch babe. If anything has her name, shouldn't it be Jell-O?
12 NEIL DIAMOND The '70s icon will perform in a television special on ABC. He's promoting his new eight-track cassette.
13 CITY HALL Al Pacino plays the man who runs New York. He's the maitre d' at 44.
14 KASPAROV VS. DEEP BLUE The chess champ plays a computer. Even when it wins it calls him Karry Gasparov.
15 OSCAR NOMINATIONS You know the pickings are slim when you see Babe the pig shopping for a tux.
