THE MORNING AFTER

The best-laid plans of mice and men -- not to mention pigs -- oft go astray, especially on Oscar night. So as we finish saluting the winners of this year's Academy Awards, let's take a minute to tip our hats to the losers. After all, it's not easy sitting stoically through the ceremony after someone else has walked off with your statuette. It's even tougher keeping that sickly smile frozen on your face whenever the TV cameras pass. And then there's the horror of the morning after: You had hoped to spend it poolside at the Beverly Hills Hotel, wearing mules and scanning the trade papers for glowing reviews of your wryly self-deprecating acceptance speech. But instead, you find yourself in the sticky corner booth at a doughnut shop on Sunset, drowning your sorrows in cold coffee and stale crullers. Of course, it's been said that the true honor of Oscar night is in being nominated -- that winning isn't really the important thing. Yeah, right. In a pig's eye.