Sound Bites

''Thanks to your gloomy music, my children have stopped dreaming about a future I can't possibly provide!''
Homer Simpson, expressing his appreciation to the Smashing Pumpkins' Billy Corgan, on The Simpsons

''Jerry Seinfeld's girlfriend, Shoshanna Lonstein, turns 21 years old next week. Seinfeld said in honor of the event he'll stop bathing her in the sink.''
Conan O'Brien on Late Night

''While performing in New York this week to a packed audience, Yoko Ono shocked the crowd by tearing up the Bible. Most shocking of all — Yoko Ono performed to a packed audience.''
Norm MacDonald on Saturday Night Live