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''Are you ever distracted by the sight of Ted Turner and Jane Fonda making out in the stands?'' -- Calvert DeForest, to Atlanta Brave Chipper Jones, on Late Show
''Madonna was outraged this week when a tabloid photographer shot a picture of her while she was breastfeeding....Apparently the baby was blocking her nipple.'' -- Norm MacDonald on Saturday Night Live
''Why would she stab her boyfriend in the ear -- the magic was gone?'' -- Mulder (David Duchovny), doubting that a woman killed her boyfriend, on The X-Files
''Yesterday, Bob Dole blamed voter apathy as the reason he's so far behind President Clinton. Unfortunately, a new poll shows people don't really care about voter apathy.'' -- Conan O'Brien on Late Night
