To: Santa@northpole.com
From: DivorceDad
Subject: My Lovely Courtney
Dear Santa: My 14-year-old riot princess has visitation over the holidays. What should I put in the black shredded stocking of my Prozac Nation-reading little girl?

Reply To: DivorceDad
From: Santa@northpole.com
Sounds like little Courtney might be having a bit of a bleak Christmas. Luckily, the season is filled with plenty of gift ideas for bummed-out kids. For instance, Galaxie 500's Galaxie 500 is a limited-edition four-disc box that collects everything these Harvard shoegazers ever recorded. Little Courtney will mope along with the band's languid, reverb-drenched drone. Augment her grrrl-rock education with another box, The Patti Smith Masters, which collects the first five CDs (and a bonus hits disc) by the founding mother of alt-rock.

Also, give your body-surfing bookworm Noise From the Underground: A Secret History of Alternative Rock, Michael Lavine's photo log of the grunge era (with text by Pat Blashill). Courtney should love the pictures of Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Liz Phair, and Sonic Youth in gumdrop colors, sooty black-and-whites, and distorted, fish-eye-lens compositions. Ho, ho — good luck, and tell that little mosher of yours to leave a little antidepressant for Blitzen, who gets homesick on these long hauls!

To: Santa@northpole.com
From: Solipsister
Subject: Me
Dear Santa: I'm sick of buying presents for everybody; I want a fun toy for myself. I'm a big fan of the lo-fi sound of Luscious Jackson and the Beastie Boys. I can't play an instrument, but I bet I could make records as good as them!

Reply To: Solipsister
From: Santa@northpole.com
Hey 'Sister: Humbuggery! I know just how you feel with this gift-giving thing. I bought myself the Casio CTK-520L keyboard. This portable little unit has 100 tones, from trumpets to accordions to 12-string guitar, and 50 rhythms, from rap to ''cha-cha-cha.'' But that's not all: This baby has 40 preset songs (most of them standards), and the keys light up to show you where to place your fingers — like a '90s version of the player piano. I learned ''Jingle Bells'' in a few nonsilent nights, ho, ho. And those red lights are making Rudolph's nose blink with envy. You'll be dreaming of a white-rap Christmas before you know it.

Originally posted Dec 20, 1996 Published in issue #358 Dec 20, 1996 Order article reprints
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