''Here's a little tip: If your plane is ever hijacked by Muslim terrorists, never order the kosher meal.''
-Jon Stewart on The Jon Stewart Show
''You should have put a gun over the buttocks.''
-Tim Robbins, telling director Robert Altman how to get the MPAA to approve Ready to Wear's seminude poster, on Donahue
''I hope somebody who has the right sense to make an idealistic romantic movie does do a remake maybe the people that made Forrest Gump.''
-Newt Gingrich, introducing Boys Town, on TNT
''Joycelyn Elders said that she's 'returning to private practice.' I'm thinking, isn't that how she got into trouble in the first place?''
-David Letterman on Late Show