''I'm making 50 pigs in a blanket for 20 pigs in the living room.''
-Roseanne, on entertaining during the Super Bowl, on Roseanne
''You have no studio audience. That's a relief. I just thought you were bombing.''
-Garry Shandling, to Tom Snyder, on The Late Late Show
''You know, I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.''
-Ellen (Ellen DeGeneres), in the midst of leg lifts, on Ellen
''There's flooding in California, and Dick Van Dyke is stranded in his Malibu home. It's not the flooding; it's just that every time he tries to leave, he trips over the damn ottoman.''
-Conan O'Brien on Late Night