''Let me ask you something: If someone's lying, are their pants really on fire?'' -- Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), to a cop, before taking a polygraph test, on Seinfeld
''Former Vice President Dan Quayle announced that he would not run for President in 1996. However, he said he has not entirely ruled out running for President in 1997.'' -- David Letterman, on Late Show
''Oh man, in my next life I'm coming back as a toilet brush.'' -- Chandler (Matthew Perry), before dumping his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, on Friends
''Don't stare at me, Eddie. I'm a humane man, but right now I could kick a kitten through an electric fan.'' -- Frasier (Kelsey Grammer), addressing his father's dog after having a bad day, on Frasier
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