On the way to the Shrine, in the back of my limo, minutes from stepping in front of a billion people as part of the Oscar ceremony's opening musical number, I wondered, ''Is this going to work? And if not, what kind of accident could I have that would get me out of this? An accident that wouldn't hurt...'' But I couldn't come up with anything. I was worried.
I was still thrilled to be asked to do the Oscars, but even at this late moment, I didn't quite grasp the concept of the opening number: The divine Tim Curry, the adorable Mara Wilson, and I sing ''Make 'Em Laugh'' while engaging in a fast-paced battle with classic comedy clips. During rehearsals, Chuck Workman, who created and directed the opening number, tried to explain his ''vision'': Tim, Mara, and I would be on stage, step in and out of the clips on the screen, and there would be another screen inside that screen, also with clips. All this inside your TV screen. Oh, there would be roller skaters, too, and inspired Debbie Allen-choreographed dance sequences, which were later trimmed down in favor of more clips. So in the end, I mostly stuck my arm through a slit in the blue screen and made silly faces.
Assuming that Tim and I had been hired to give the number some edge, I suggested that my opening line be ''Sorry I'm late. There were so many famous people backstage, I didn't know whose butt to kiss first.'' I planned to substitute ''ass'' for ''butt'' on live television, but the Oscar gods were uncomfortable with the notion of butt-kissing altogether, so the line was axed. I slowly realized that I was merely a cog -- a cog in the huge wheel of cheese that was the opening number. At least producer Gil Cates and Jeff Margolis, the director of the telecast, each had a sense of humor. ''I'll give you sex for a close-up,'' I told Jeff. ''For two close-ups, I'll be in leather.'' So I got my close-ups. I was still honored to be a part of the Oscars. I got to keep the pretty red velvet Ray Aghayan dress. I got to go to a party and meet Courtney Love. And I'm still waiting for Jeff Margolis to call. I'll be screening.
-- Kathy Najimy, as told to Jess Cagle
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