''Michael Jordan has returned, and here are last night's statistics...McDonald's up three quarters, Nike up one eighth.'' -- Conan O'Brien on Late Night
''My brother is too kind. He was eminent when my eminence was only imminent.'' -- Niles (David Hyde Pierce), after Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) introduced him as an eminent psychiatrist, on Frasier
''Someone educate me. What are Beavis and Butt-head?'' -- David Brinkley on This Week
''[Red] is one of those 'important' films -- which means it's boring, and you see it in a theater full of people with B.O., and you pretend that you get it.'' -- Tom Servo (Kevin Murphy) on The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Little Gold Statue Preview Special
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